1) I have been uber productive this afternoon
2) I have had 2 bottles of lucozade and a mars bar
3) I think the first two points are related
4) I think I'm high
5) *crash*
Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon with my feet in a plastic bag because I had stupid summery shoes on.
Today I have my trainers on, jeans, and a long sleeved top, but this now means the cold is concentrated to my fingertips.
Thus, I need to sit on my hands for the rest of the day as they are struggling to function. Typing will be impossible. Apart from this announcement.
...whoever just tagged me and a few others as 'troll', because it's amused me.
What kind of insult is that?! You're laa-aa-aame!
I'm sat with my feet in a plastic bag muttering accio trainers under my breath. Stupid summer shoes. Stupid cold summer. Stupid stupid stupid!
...but for some reason I've been far more productive than any other day so far this week (yes - both of them).
I have just devoured an entire cow and potato field though, so I fully expect a slump to hit me in an hour or so, whereupon I will be capable only of grunting and daydreaming. Alas.
Speaking of humping, I was extremely pleased to see Gordon Effing-Sexy-as-Eff Ramsey back on TV last night. Toe-curlingly pleased. Woof.
The monkfish was pretty hot too.
Hmm...more on the humping theme, let me think...
A-ha. I bought Goebbels the Gerbils a different cage last night. They celebrated this by flicking half the sawdust out onto the floor and humping each other a bit. Simple pleasures for simple creatures. (I was ecstatic to realise that Pets at Home now have an online shopping site. The more I think about it, the more I realise that it would be entirely possible for me to exist without ever leaving the house again.)
Hurrah. It is almost 2pm. I enjoy Steve Wright too much to work and listen at the same time.
In the two hours I've been at work, I have:
Written not 1, not 2, but 3 different to-do lists, categorised by subject and importance.
Tidied my desk, stacking the post-it note blocks into piles according to size.
Gone through all the answering machine messages just to double check I did write them all down. I may call them back in an even slower moment than now.
Arranged all the papers into piles and stacked them up according to their order on the to-do list(s) to work through at a steady pace.
Googled 'procrastination'.
Googled 'how to procrastinate'.
Followed some tips I found.
Gone through my email inbox.
Drank 3 bottles of water and got through 5 pieces of chewing gum. (Now 6.)
Written a pros and cons list for going home at lunch time instead of buying a manky sandwich.
Assessed the sky at regular intervals to check for impending rainclouds.
Checked all the email inboxes again.
Sighed.
Opened Word.
Blinked a lot.
Sighed some more.
Written two sentences of minutes from a meeting last Thursday.
God, I'm exhausted.
Running away from a curious bumble bee this afternoon has left my mother with two broken ribs and three broken toes.
Totally worth it, obviously, what with them being wing'ed beasts of fur and doom.
"Are you ok, mum?"
"Yes love, I just...Oh, I really hurt!"
"Well yes I'm sure you do, make sure you rest, ok?"
"Not in the garden though, in case I have to run away from another bee"
"Mother, it's just a BEE!"
"THEY BITE!"
...sucks.
I have a to-do list that has stuff on it that needed doing a month ago. I can't believe I've managed to get a month behind. I need time-freezing superpowers, or drugs, or both.
And it's SO LOVELY out there. It's not too hot. It's just right for sitting under a tree or brolly with a book and/or a barrel of wine.
A slow day today...
Didn't get up until about 11am, sans hangover, HA! Late sleep-in can be attributed to a 1.30am phone call from a pirate who was being particularly smutty. I don't know who he was or how he got my number, but it was funny.
Ate birthday cake.
Tidied my room a bit, did some washing, put away the £250 worth of clothes I bought yesterday (after packing away all my jumpers in order to actually make some room )
Just as I was about to hang my knickers out to dry (oo-er) that bloody pirate rang again and had the audacity to hang up on me at one point! The rudeness!
For the next 3 hours after that I did relatively little, except make a hot curry and drink more wine and wait in heated anticipation for Indiana Jones to come on...(Which he now is. Phwoooooooar!)
Work? What? Monday? *Denial* *glugglugglug*
Thank you all for my birthday messages! I had so many! I would reply to them all but I'm totally fucked.
Sorry, sorry, language. Drunk. I/m drjunk.
Really. Veryt.
Had a lot to wine drink.
I have had a lot to drink.
AND I had LEMON CAKE made by C and it was LOVELY and NOM NOM NOM NOM!
I am 24. THis makes me oldish. And, AND. I#m going to bed BEFORE MIDNIGHT.
BECAUSE IM FUCKED.
AND REALLY VERY HOT.
I'd open the window but is hard to do when cant move.
Super Hans is 17 months old today too! He had a cake crumb and loveed it so much.
I would have liked some hugs off certain folks this weeked 
I hope you all had fun.
I. am going to sleep now.
I troubles me that I feel very sick for the simple reason that i had very garlicky chicken and DO NOT WISH TO SEE AGAIN!
Christ my headaches kickin in already.
YAY BIRYHDATY/
CXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I have declared to all concerned that I am going home. Hurrah. I have to straighten my hair. Good a reason as any I reckon.
Work have got me yummy chocolates and something else wrapped up that I can't open because it's MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW. Yayness. YAY. I was going to go shopping this aftrnoon but it's too hot to hit the school-bus crowds, may put it on the agenda for tomorrow. Also going to the Deep. Fish. Yay.
I think I will have a nice day =)
I hope everyone who meets up Saturday in Larndon has a lovely time. Wish I could be there too but cirumstances make that rather tricky.
(No drunken calls...)
Also, you should go and see Iron Man. *Noms arrogant and damn sexy robot man thing*. It's good.
Do this.
Apparently I'm Brazilian...well I've had a lady of that nationality so maybe I picked something up 
The woman's voice cracks me up.
Hometime
First one to make me laugh wins an as-yet-undisclosed prize.
Please.
I have to go sit in some silly committee this morning and attempt to siphon the relevant drivel out for minute taking purposes. I'm not looking forward to this.
Furthermore, I'm not wearing jeans and trainers today in favour of linen trousers and actual shoes, and I feel...well, I feel dressed for work. I don't like it.
And, even worse, Loco in Acapulco is playing on the radio at the moment. Chances of me being able to get it out of my head in order to actually pay attention? I'd say 'nil', but that might be being optimistic.
Lovely hot day again though
Moan over. For now.
May your day be full of cake in sensibly-balanced-diet guises.
xxx
(I apologise for that truly awful title)
I have a rash on my right foot. I have had it for months.
It appears in two places - on the left side just below my ankle, and also on the top of my foor near my toes, but not in the toe creases. Just flat areas of skin.
It's speckly. Red, and quite densely packed speckles.
It is perfectly smooth. It does not it not itch. It does not flake. It does not disappear when I press it. It does not get worse in the heat. It is not altered after a shower. It is in no way different to the rest of my foot, except for the red speckling.
Antihistamine or any other medicated skin creams make no difference. I am not allergic to my shoes. I have not changed my wash powder. I have not used any different products. I certainly wouldn't just use them on one foot anyway.
I have not insulted my foot. I haven't mocked it or even gently teased it in anyway. It is not blushing.
According to an online rash diagnostic tool device thing, I have either Syphilis, or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.
I think I'm growing quite attached to it.
Just been flicking through random blogs by clicking 'next blog' at the top of the page, like ya do when bored.
I must've gone through about 40.
Adverts.
Herbal adverts.
Japanese car adverts.
Weight loss pills.
Mobile phones.
How to make money.
Praise be to *insert religion here*.
Ooh this one looks normal. Oh no, wait - blacksheep63. Friend.
Sex aids.
Lingerie.
Sex 'aids'.
More Japanese nonsense.
'Herbal' stuff.
Ooh this one - oh no. Wait. the_moff. Friend.
Estonian.
Polish.
Slovakian.
Age 15 with very pink glittery background.
Ooh - argh, goddammit, you were a friend...
And so it continued. Where were we in all this clicking? Where are the normal everyday blogs? Why are all these adverts and companies and pure drivel coming up? In 40 clicks I don't find a single blog worth reading that I've not come across before? It's damn annoying.
1) I can deal with this:
You can't actually see all of it either. Or,
2) I can do nothing whatsoever and simply recline in various poses for the remainder of the evening.
A genuine toughy.
There's nothing quite like someone walking in on me singing loudly to Meatloaf to quite literally Take The Words Right Out Of My Mouth...
