Ho hum.

I've chosen that as a title because that is the word I heard from the TV as I was trying to think of one. I'm sure it will become perfectly apt. I love Red Dwarf.

Tomorrow Later on this morning, at 10am sharp, I depart for Londonia with Fish Boy. I am very much looking forward to this, but not the four and a half hour drive part. Car journeys of this length make me queasy.

Our friend G (who is my oldest friend now, I think - I love her dearly) will still be at work when we arrive, so we have to entertain ourselves for a couple of hours. She lives in Greenwich, but having never been to London before (yes, I know), I have no idea what we're going to do. In all seriousness, I would love to find a really good aquatic shop to browse, at least we'll both be with someone who isn't trying to make us leave!

It kind of feels like a date, except it isn't. It's a long car journey followed by some hefty time killing before we all get ridiculously pissed in G's flat.

I have like this guy for a whole year now, though.

We did spend last new year's eve in the pub together...

Well I'm not quite stupid enough to tell him I like him anyway, so never mind. Other than the liking fish (and being funny, being a bit of a geek with glasses, having a good job and a nice car, and being quite easy to wrap around my little finger always willing to go to the bar for me), he really isn't my type, not being Gordon Effing Ramsey. Ahem.

I shouldn't think I'm his type anyway. I think he likes blondes. Thin ones. Oh well.

Anyway. If I don't say so before tomorrow night, have a good one, whatever you all do. If you're staying in, don't watch Jools Holland, as I think he represents nothing but a miserable start to the new year. If you're going out, don't lose your keys, or at least make sure you have somebody else's.

Crap, I have to get up soon.

HNY x

Oh hell yeah!

This isn't a secret, EVERYBODY gets a thrill from this!

...Don't they?

I researched my symptoms. I found this link on NHS Direct.
I am miserable.
*rubs Vicks on chest*.
I am going to watch The Animals of Farthing Wood and drool over Fox.

...but hell, so are the nights. I'm really sorry to be starting this off, truly!

What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Go to Liverpool, AND to a blogmeet. An extraordinary coincidence.

Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolutions last year were:
Start drinking coffee.
Start drinking red wine.
Therapy.
Learn to drive.
Stop falling for people after one incidence of being in their company.

I've only achieved one of those *pop...glug*

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Apparently a chav cousin did. We're not close.

Did anyone close to you die?
No.

What countries did you visit?
Ummm...Holland...yeah, that's it.

What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
To be better off financially, but that isn't going to happen unless I get a better job and don't move to Manchester to do an MA. Hmm. Also, and I'm probably stating the bleedin' obvious here: a relationship with someone who understands emotional baggage, and who isn't going to go out of their way to deliberately fuck me up even more. Any age. Any height. Whatever. Is that too much to ask? Really?

What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
10 May.
5 July.
17 August.
30 November.
24 December.
Not going into why.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I really don't feel I've achieved anything. Maybe getting over the anxiety stuff enough to go to Liverpool, although I still nearly turned around at the train station.

What was your biggest failure?
Not getting a better job. Not even bothering to apply for better jobs. Not being able to move on from things. Not having a cut free year. Everything, really.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Man flu on a regular basis.

What was the best thing you bought?
Super Hans.

Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Can't answer this, I'm afraid. Certainly not my own.

Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Dubya. Government figures in general.

Where did most of your money go?
Alcohol, DVDs, eating, the goldfish and rodenti. Biggest one off expense was this laptop, followed by the new aquarium.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
V Festival. It was soggy, and everyone around me was being miserable, but I still made myself have a good time in my head at least.

What song will always remind you of 2007?
You expect me to narrow it down? Probably something by Guillemots, Fratellis, or Maximo Park. There are loads!

Compared to this time last year, are you:
a)happier or sadder? Happier in some respects, but sadder in new areas.
b)thinner or fatter?  Fatter, as ever.
c) richer or poorer? Probably about the same, maybe about £500 better off.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saving, being happy, wanking.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Spending, crying over those who don't deserve it, eating kettle chips.

Did you fall in love in 2007?
No, but I did eventually fall out of it with one person.

How many one-night stands? 
A big fat 0.

What was your favourite TV program? 
Heroes and Strictly Come Dancing!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nabeil. Don't ask.

What was the best book you read?
Well obviously HP7, but other than that...oh my god, that can't be the only book I've read. I know it isn't. Well the others must've been shite.

What was your greatest musical discovery? 
Guillemots.

What did you want and get? 
If I want it, and it is trivial, affordable, and easily obtained, I get it. I've no one else to spoil me, so I spoil myself. Laptop was a guilty pleasure.

What did you want and not get? 
A smaller ass, and someone who doesn't care about that kind of thing either way.

What was your favourite film of this year? 
I've seen so many this year, I can't think... Possibly Pirates of the Caribbean for the Johhnyness, but also loved The Departed and Beowulf.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 
I was 23. I went out for a meal and a couple of bars. Most of the people there were people I lived with, and they were all shit, and didn't make an effort, just sat there miserable, with coats on, and then got a taxi home before me. After that there were a couple of them I couldn't bring myself to speak to for a couple of weeks, especially as the worst offender went out for her own birthday the following night and everything became about her. I wish I had gone home.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Sex.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Limited.

What kept you sane?
Blogging.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
JohnnyJohnnyJohnny. And Gordon. Oh my god, so many, I can't choose!

What political issue stirred you the most?
Politicians in general. I hate them all, with their holier than thou attitudes and 'we shall solve all the world's problems with guns' attitude. They make me sick. Only when the news is on, though.

Whom did you miss?
It varied as the year went on. Mainly, I missed Ex. Then towards the end of the year, Ex Ex. Then, home.

Who was the best new person you met?
My darling Kelly.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
I am not now, and have never been, and never will be, alone, but that it takes a lot more than just saying this to yourself to actually believe it. I'm still not sure I do believe it.

Happy First Blogiversary to me today

A whole year of blathering. You poor unfortunate souls!

I just sat on my lunch

Due to being up until nearly 4am reading back through my old blog, and not falling asleep until 5am, and being full of the dreaded LURGY *feeble cough*, I am very tired, and still in bed.

My plan for today involves Johnny Depp. Well, a DVD of him anyway. En pirate. *Growl.*

Mostly, anyway.

Went to the pub with my oldest friend G and a group of people we went to school with who I haven't seen for years, all guys. I was slightly worried due to the fact that I stole one of their girlfriends about 4 years ago - B of course, the scandal that caused! - but even he seems to have stopped hating me - I got a hug and was told I smelt nice *thumbs up*

Everyone kept asking where B was at first, but she lives in the middle of nowhere and couldn't get a lift down. I can't believe I'm saying this, but - it was actually a nice change that she wasn't there. She's so pretty and interesting, events always become about her. We could all talk and do the quiz without it all being "B B B remember this remember that?". Grr.

None of them have changed a bit, aside from all getting rather fat and/or beefed up. I went out with one of them in year 7 (oh to be 11 again) and his best mate in year 9 (oh to be 13 with fantastic tits again) and they are both still hot (and the latter being the one B was supposed to be going out with, acutally. In fact, she went out with the other one too. We all had each other, really. School was a bit inbred and incestuous at times).

Of course, like at school, I was still the one on the edge. Everyone still seems to be achieving more than me, earning more, buying houses, living with partners...blah blah blah. At least now that we've all grown up nobody felt the need to pull my hairbobble out and run around holding it out of my reach until I cried.

Somehow I ended up with a rep for being a bollock kicker, but they brought it on themselves I think.

I'm going to Greenwich for New Year to stay with G, I can't wait, because...I have never been to London. Fish Boy is driving us both down

I don't really feel like that was Christmas day. It went very fast. Didn't even sleep after dinner!

I did get up get dragged out of bed quite late though, and didn't get dressed until about 11am. We had to be at N&G's for 12pm. I made everybody late because for some reason know only to itself my nose stud decided to fly out and land somewhere in a very thick shaggy carpet. Took a while to find it (got it back in on the first attempt though, it's getting easier!). That was the only mishap of the day really. Thrilling, eh?

I didn't think I ate that excessively (I could still move, just) but my arse is telling me otherwise. I wish I could describe it as PARP! but it's more of a BBBBRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP. Frickin stinks. I have no shame, why hide these things when you can share it with the world?

Didn't get pissed, either. Wonders will never cease. Mind you, probably not a good idea after last night's intake.

As TV has been so shite we decided to play Monopoly, we being me, dad, mum, sibling, and sibling's girlfriend-who-is-just-her-best-friend-in-this-house. Mum and dad probably suspect there is more to it, but to have it confirmed would likely put mother on Prozac. My sister looks like a walking stereotype though, so I don't see how they would be surprised. All she's lacking is a white sleeveless t-shirt.
We lasted forty minutes. No houses were bought. I got Mayfair and both utilities though. That's all that really matters, isn't it?

Super Hans enjoyed a festive treat of climbing into a bowl of mixed nuts and fruit and helping himself. I haven't told mum he did this. Snigger.

This time 24 hours ago I was sobbing over B. I feel ridiculous now. And selfish. I can't keep bringing it up with myself and letting it matter, it has been too long.

On a tangent:
Does anybody ever dream about other people on here? Like, really randomly they'll just appear, or even an actual dream about them.

It keeps happening and it's making me feel peculiar.

Peppermint tea and bed, I think.

Me head hurts.

Amazingly, she is still talking to me. Just. "I only pulled, what was the problem?". Oh, B, if only you could see that it's you

Her sister, who had to organise her and pay for a taxi at 3.30am, is not talking to either of us. Hmm.

Anyhoo, Santa brought me a good haul.

My 19 year old sister is ecstatic with her gifts as they include a mini scalectrix and "rhythm sticks" in place of a longed-for drum kit. Big kid.

Dad likes his photo frame, although he doesn't understand the concept of it being a digital one, but we'll get there.

Mum seems happy, which is nice, as it's rare she is happy.

Me - I'm just happy to be home.

Merry Christmas one and all.

xxx

It's NOT how it should be!

We went out, Ex Ex,who I shall now call B,ane we had fun, it was grand.

We danced for ages.

Then her phone rang and she fucked off and didnt come back for ages. So I aSK someone if they've seen her. "Yes she was on her phone and then I saw her kissing some girl"

*red is seen*

4 and a half years and I still cant handle it. I can't. It's an hour and a half into christmas day and i am sat in bed sobbing because of it.

i didnt know i still felt this way. thought i could hndle it. now i guess we both know i cant.

"where r u?"
"bar,where are you?"
"does it matter?"
"yes"

she appears.

"Soy, this is *dont catch/care to catch name of attractive F?UCKING B~ITCH in front of me*"
"Oh. Hi. *to B* I'm going home"
"Why?"
"Is this a good night for me? your phone rings, u fuck off, and then u are kissing some girl?"
"amd?"

this goes on some time.

I leave the club. I promised I would pay her £30 taxi. She hasn't a penny on her.

I have text her number of taxi man who took me home who said he would sort herout and if he couldnt pay, he knew where i lived, so i qwould be. fine.

i said sorry twice. she has not repleid.

i am crying so hard my heart may break, and things are ruined with her.

I got me my Retro Camera developed

Achieved nothing today.

Ex Ex didn't get here until 1.30pm but only left about an hour ago. We didn't go into town after all, we're going tomorrow instead. It was far too cold and rainy for me - for her, there was far too much football on Sky, something she hasn't been able to watch for months. Who am I to deny this to someone?

So we didn't do our usual going into town routine, but we did end up how we always do when she's round at mine, same as it has been for about seven years - she sprawls all over my bed with ALL the cushions, watching football, with her feet perched up on my legs, while I sit right at the end of the bed against the wall, getting up only to make her more tea. Lar.

We walked to get a Chinese though, so we did move at some point.

I now have takeaway bloat.

And she has gone home.

Meh. Leaves me feeling a bit empty. That will never change either. I don't actually have any feelings for her. She's just special to me, and I have missed her.

Hate being left out

Nicked from Subz, like it really matters...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. This year is silver, with matte purple and white ribbons and bows. Most things are in boxes too so they were easy to wrap look good.

2. Real tree or Artificial? We have a real one this year but I think I actually prefer the even shape of an artificial one.

3. When do you put up the tree? It usually goes up about 10 days begore Christmas, as late as mum can get away with it.

4. When do you take the tree down? By the 6th January.

5. Do you like egg nog? Never tried it. Think I'd hate it. I can't stomach cream based cocktails, I don't think alcoholic custard would sit well.

6. Favourite gift received as a child? I can't remember... my sister and I used to get quite a lot of gifts when we were little, Santa spolied us a lot

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Goodness no, it isn't made of tinsel or bows.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Nanna and Grandad. I try valiantly every year to come up with ideas but mum always ends up getting stuff for us anyway.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Sibling.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Either or neither. I never really bother.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A headless ballet dancer.

12. Favourite Christmas movie? Santa Claus The Movie, of course!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? December November, I'm done by 27th November, every year. Oh, the lies.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No, never, although I often buy the same thing for people. Silver money box ducks were a theme this year.

15. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas? DINNER.

16. Clear or coloured lights? Coloured as a child, now I am a little more refined. Subtley blinking white lights.

17. Favourite Christmas song? WELL I WISH IT COULD BE CHRISTMAS, EVERY DAAAAAY!

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home usually, but this year we're round the corner at Nanna and Grandad's, as for once they aren't in New Zealand with my uncle and his family.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, buuut do yoooou recaaaall, the most famous reindeer of allll? WELL?

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel I think, usually is. I lifted her skirt last year. It was funny.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Morning for me and Sibling, after lunch for parents and grandparents. This is purely to make the day last longer, according to dad. He's very much a 'get your money's worth' kind of man.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Singledom, and not being able to have Christmas in my own home, for my family to come to, instead of the other way around AGAIN.

23. Favourite ornament theme or colour? "OMG don't be so sad!" - indeed, Subz, but you can't beat red and green.

24. Favourite for Christmas dinner? Turkey and beef. And the rest. Pigs in blankets *drool*

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Not to have a hangover and not to be bloated.

Ahhhhhhhhh. Home Bed is Comfy.

Perhaps a few snippets of the day? They are always good when your head is too sugared to think.

I have been up since 8am on the understanding that dad would arrive to pick me up at 9.30am prompt, and that I had to be ready. This turned out to be an evil and wicked lie. 10am came and went, and he told me he would arrive at 11am. This was handy, as I was not ready, in fact, when he text me I was elbow deep in shit. Quite literally. That's one big fish tank to empty in a hurry.

I arrived home. Dad returned to work. Ravenous, I discovered the cupboards to be bare of any normal food, i.e. not in a red festive box or tin. I had a crisp sandwich, and four Heroes. The same Heroes I was supposed to be giving to Sibling's girlfriend. Ah well, I can't feel too guilty about saving myself from starvation. Mum has bought me an advent calendar as always, but this year it goes up to new year's day! I've only eaten today's offering though. I think eating an entire advent calendar could be a visual representation of gluttony in the dictionary. Along with chocolate eclairs - the cream kind, not the bra ones.

I organised the pets. Quite a feat. You haven't seen pure hatred in this world until you've looked into the eyes of a hamster that has spent the past hour in a carry case slightly smaller than a brick. The gerbils terrify mother, as predicted (she's so lame). I made my sister drive to Pets at Home so that I could buy a new filter for the goldfish (who look VERY unhappy in their temporary tank, a third of the size of the one in Hull). I also bought lots of presents for Hans and the Ladies to chew and eat they eat better than I do.

Ooh, swift link to Meno's (I refuse to call you RDW) Secret Santa entry about me, which was a lovely surprise, in which she so nicely pointed out my excessive fondness for all things sugary and salty. I do not refute this. I have more Heroes to the left of me, Quavers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle getting fatter. Christmas is coming, the geese and Soy are getting fat. Yeeeeah...something is getting done about this in the New Year. I'm so minging

I definitely said that last year too. Lar.

Anyway it was a lovely assessment of me, big sis, and thank you for my Christmas card.

It's so nice being home. Mum has decorated everything so nicely, and for once we actually have a real tree ("The mess!"), although it is a bit of a retarded shape. There are lots of presents underneath it too, big box shape ones, which always look exciting to me. I'm going to town tomorrow with Ex Ex to get one or two more things for Sibling. Better buy her girlfriend another present too

Ex Ex is out tonight and very drunk. She text me asking if I fancied a night out and I said no, partly because I had oodles of presents to wrap up for mum, but also because I look and feel like shit, and I can't get drunk in front of her without seeing her sober and in the daytime first. She text me an hour or so ago exclaiming how much Cleethorpes had changed bar-wise, and "where we all the lesbians? There must be one somewhere. Did I tell you I was single now? I want one that smiles." She's drunk, obviously, and I'm not naive enough to ever read anything into what she says, but I still had to stop myself replying '=)'. I called her a drunkard instead, and told her not to be too hungover tomorrow. We're going to do what we always do when we're both in Grimsby - go to town, wander round moaning that it never changes, buy a copy of Diva because we hate it so much and it's fun to slate it, sit in the worst coffee shop in the town centre and flick through it whilst sharing a bit of the only good thing about that place, the toffee cake.

I think I might go unpack something to sleep in. Can't sleep nekkid here

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHA GOODBYE OFFICE!

Ex Ex just told me that her family's dog died while she was away, about a month ago. We've been friends so long, he was another dog that I felt I grew up with. Both black labradors, my favourite dogs. I loved that dog, and now I can't stop crying. So that's him, and the dog I used to walk around the field a few posts below that I'd known since she was a puppy, dying a few months apart from each other. They weren't even my dogs and I'm going to miss them so much, their houses aren't the same without them.

...or when The White Stripes Conquest comes on the radio, does it make you want to launch into an impromptu Paso Doble?

I look good. I think I need to work on my Spanish lines, though.

I'm in that kind of mood, y'know, stir crazy

Why the hell am I at work? 80% of the students went home last weekend. I only really came in to make one payment to a student, which I can't do, as they've put the wrong bank details down (cretin). I'm supposed to be leaving at lunch time anyway, but I think I might only last another hour.

I was charged with buying a box of chocolates for the cleaners on the way here, and given a fiver for the purpose. Given that the cleaners don't clean, I bought two boxes of Cadbury's Heroes for £4. I will stick their Christmas card on one of them, and take the other home with me. I will either eat these myself, or give them to Sibling's girlfriend, depending on my willpower. Fair enough, I think.

This time tomorrow I will be on my way home, with a bucket of goldfish between my feet, a cake tub containing very excitable gerbils on my knee, and a small carry case containing a distressed hamster between my thighs, I think. I'm also going to put my entire washing basket in the boot, and might not bother packing clothes, just chuck them in as they are. I love going home. Brilliant

Dad is coming to collect me for Christmas at 10am on Friday morning. I can't wait. I want to go home now.
I want to be near our Christmas tree. I want to be in my calming, green bedroom. Sigh.

Anyhoo, not long to wait.

Not to be leftout, couple of pictures:

Welcome to Grimsby:

This photo serves to demonstrate that I am not in the vicinity of Emmerdale.
It also shows where I lived until I was 7, whereupon we moved to a minute away from mum's parent's house, aka Nanna and Grandad. I loved it there so much. Grandad had a pond that always had frogs in it. I always collected the frogspawn every year and kept it in buckets and washing up bowls and every other container I could find. I had nurseries and schools for the tadpoles and baby frogs. They invariably ended up dead. Felt I was doing my bit for nature, anyway. N&G's garden had a total of 27 steps and stepping stones that enabled you to do a full lap. Still can, actually.

Next - a little closer:

I can't believe I can actually see our old white car and the old summer table and chairs in the garden! Madness! We live right on the edge of the village in all the newer buildings, the centre of the village is really old. Hence the fields - N&G's house looks out upon miles of fields, usually full of sheep for half the year. Lincolnshire is notoriously flat, so it doesn't look very far to the next load of houses, but it is.
Above my house is a field that I have circumnavigated more times than I can remember, often with my best friend who lived across the road, and her dog. The dog died over the summer. I remember walking her as a puppy. Depending on the time of year, it would often have grasses growing in it which were over waist high on me once but now just irritate my knees. What a delight to roll along and flatten it all.
The hedges that lines the field hide the beck (or dyke, or stream, whatever you call it, but we call it a beck) which you could walk along for what must have been miles, but it never seems far when you're young, especially if most of the journey was spent trying to jump across it. In hindsight it must have been full of filth, but no harm done! You could follow it right to the playground at the other side of the village. It was an excellent way of getting home while avoiding parents out on the prowl to find us. I've no doubt children who live around there now would no sooner be allowed to wander along deserted ditches for miles than go walking around in their underwear. It's probably a haven for the drinking youth, now.

Like I said, not much to see, but I had a very outdoorsy childhood, even if we didn't have hills and random stone circles nearby. That field is massive when you're 11.

Well, that was a highly successful Office Christmas Buff-ette. Homemade strawberry cheesecake *drool*, and lots of repeats of our Christmas album.

It's time:

You need to be avoiding all incidents of this:

I don't care how boring this gets, I need to look busy, so deal with it.

1. Do you own a box of crayons?
Alas, no I do not, but I assure you that by the end of the week I will, because I've realised what is missing in my life.

2. Have you ever seen a dead body?
Does watching "Slicing the Dead with Professor Gunther von Hagens" count? (The title may be slightly off.)

3. Do you always wear a seatbelt?
Not if there are more than four of us in the back seat, because the logistics are impossible.

4. When do you shower most often?
Does this mean seasonally? Time of day? Frequency? I usually shower in the morning because I can't be bothered to at night, and I would say this happens more often in summer. I'm not famed for my regular bathing.

5. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower, it's frickin weird, I wash my hair and get out, like normal people.

6. Do you own any diamonds?
Apparently there is one in the necklace I've lost somewhere, and the ones in this ring on my RIGHT hand (I think they are anyway...), but no, I don't own a large jewel in its own right, which displeases me. I think this may actually be what is missing in my life.

7. What was the last thing you purchased?
Ho ho. I purchased 3 brownies, a chocolate croissant, two small bags of kettle chips, one bag of mini cheddars, four large sausage rolls, 75 cocktail sausages, and a jar of pickled onions. It's office buff-ett time.

8. What makes you feel warm and safe?
Being at home.

9. How often do you remember your dreams?
When it starts happening in real life. Deja vu queen.

10. Did you go to public or private school?
Public. I recieved an all round, fully comprehensive education, and got to go home to my parents every night. It's a blessing I didn't go to private school, I'd probably be a bulldog-dyke feminist-activist by now. I think they're a little too...concentrated.

11. Will you donate your organs after you pass?
I have a blue and red card in my wallet. I want to be Gunther'd, I think.

12. How do you vent your anger?
I bitch and snipe.

13. What is your heritage?
Umm...Grimsby.

14. What kind of watch do you wear?
A white gold link strap one. It came with the scratches, honest.

15. Did you ever go to camp?
Laa-aa-aame, no.

16. Where were you on September 11, 2001?
Sixth form, demanding that MTV be put back on, the news is boring. The shame!

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
This is preferential on every occasion.

18. What is your ringtone?
Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz.

19. What kind of milk do you drink?
Semi-skimmed. I am lactose intolerant. I tend to ignore this, and spend far too much time in the bathroom as my penance.

20. Are you touchy-feely?
I am when I'm drunk, especially around gay male friends. They accost my breasts, I grab their cocks, everyone's happy.

I enjoy being on the phone to my boss's boss with a chocolate eclair in my bra.

Thank you, Ms TheBoat, for bringing this into my life.

This girl had owned a snake for years, it was a big python, and one day it went off its food. This lasted a few days. They called a reptile specialist vet who said it was normal, give it a few chicks etc., it'll be fine. The python still didn't eat anything.

A few nights later, the girl woke up to find the snake had got out of its cage, and was on her bed. It had stretched itself out, very straight. The girl's parents called the vet man again, who just said "Get out of the house...now. Lock the doors. I'm coming round."

He turned up with a dead baby deer, went into the bedroom, and threw the deer on the bed. Some time later, he went back in. The snake had eaten the deer. He cut the snake's head off.

Oh my GOD, the snake had been measuring the girl to check she wasn't too big to eat! THAT IS THE FREAKIEST THING EVEREVEREVER! I can't even think about it! ARGH!

ARGH! AAAAARGH!

I think I just managed to flag my own blog Maybe I subconciously feel it's becoming a little bit too filthy!

Got to