It's typical. When I choose to take a day off work (or more specifically, I need to, else I will go insane), all I'm capable of is sleeping and watching TV and eating bread. When I have to take time off, for such a minor reason as an actual broken arsebone, I can't bear it. I managed until about 2pm but then I simply had to move.

I hoovered, did some washing, cleaned hoovered out the gerbils' tank, and changed half of my sheets. The weather has been terrible, though, so I haven't been to get my painkillers.

And now I ache. It's sad for me.

I did manage to amuse myself by realising that when I speak daft to the gerbils, like I speak daft to the whole menagerie, I pronounce gerbils like I would say kerbils, which results in me calling them Goebbels. I should probably stop that.

So tonight...rest my back, or cinema? Hmmm...

*yawn* *stretch* morning all! 12.30 is morning, right? Hum di hum...

There is so much I need to do today.

I need to go to a chemist to get my painkillers before it starts raining. At least, I think they're painkillers. The doctor appears to have prescribed some hieroglyphics. Goodness knows what I'll end up with.

I need to hoover the goldfish tank as my darlings are now definitely taking on the sluggish appearance and characteristics of creatures that are living in two weeks worth of their own shit and want to cry, but they can't, as they're fish.

I need to clean out the gerbils. They stink. They stink. They like it like that, but I don't care. I also need to stop playing with their emotions - one week in my room, one week in the cold dark back room...it's not good for their emotional stability. Are they wanted, are they not? They just don't know. Neither do I, really. I just know they stink.

I need to change my bedding. Just call me Pepé Le Pew.

This needs doing.
That needs doing.
This.
That.
Also.
This.
That.

All of this hinges on me doing just one thing above anything else. Getting out of bed.

*snugglewarm*

Doctor's orders! (Or, an interpretation thereof.)

I haz a Bloscar. A BLOSCAR. I haz one.

Thank you so much. I mean it.

Well done to everyone who was nominated, and to those who won.

Long may we all continue to fill our bit of cyberspace with our random mutterings, courtesy of a secret lair in Berlin.

BCUK is fantastic. I love it here.

My internet* just went offline for twenty minutes. I was nearly sick. It has never done that before. Ever. Ever. It KNEW how much I needed it tonight. I have never yelled LLWNT so loud in my life!

Row kindly offered to blog for me via her. Bless. Chin chin to you!

Anyway, good luck all. This is all such fun!

(*by 'my internet' I actually mean next door's internet. Clearly this is a signal from the Net Karma Gods that stealing is wrong. Wankers.)

You are hereby bearing witness to the following statement that I will ne'er again utter:

I admit it.

Some people were right.

And in their capacity of being right, I was, it must be said...probably not right.

That's correct folks, for the first time in my life, I was probably not right (I really must stress the 'probably').*

My boss brought me home from work at about 11am because I was white as a sheet and shaking. When I got home, I threw up. I hate doctors and refuse to see one, as they know, so the sneaky workfolk rang my doctor and got him to come out and see me. He has just left.

Sickness: probably just a bug.

Back pain: Fractured. I shouldn't have moved for about a week, and definitely shouldn't have been a) walking to work and b) sitting in a very uncomfortable chair for 7 hours when I got there. I am the proud owner of my first sick note, and a prescription for something that may knock me out. It could well be very painful for up to another 4 weeks.

I am therefore going to spend the next 72 hours in bed, on medical advice, watching lots and lots of films, pausing only for Hollyoaks and Masterchef. I'm starting with Magicians. I need Mitchell, Webb, and lovely lovely Jessica.

Woe, woe for me!

This is not going to stop me going to see Editors on Sunday night.

*Disclaimer: 'I was probably not right' is totally different to 'I was wrong', and anyone who disagrees will be punched.

I know I am!

It seems to have been going on forever, but now it's come around so fast! I can't decide who I want to win...

Anyway. Show your support. Be there, tonight, 8pm onwards.

EDIT: NO NO NO look at the link!

An earthquake starting in Market Rasen? Market Rasen? NOTHING happens there! Netball tournaments and the odd farmer's market, maybe, but that really is it.

Just here, if you're not sure:

Something to put on the local history board, though, eh? Brilliant.

Oh, and my personal experience?

*shakerumble*
*Soy's leg slips off bed*
"What the...bombers? Oh, fuck off"
*shakerumble*
*storage tub containing 45 litres of water and 60 baby fish slops just a bit*
*Soy is very lucky that said slopping water made no contact with the masses of plugs surrounding said storage tub*
*Soy pulls covers back over head and is rocked back to sleep*

I'm rather reassured that my reaction to a potential bombing campaign is one of irritation, not fear.

Come on, come on, I want aftershocks!

To: Invisible Kicking B*stard

From: Irritated Soy

Re: The Kicking

Text: Would it be possible to refrain from the persistent kicking of my lower back? I know that being an Invisible Kicking B*stard has its limitations in terms of occupation and career prospects, but the constant thud-thud-thud-thud...it really is more than a bit irritating lately.

I think perhaps it might be time to move on. It's been quite a journey, but I think we both know you're ready.

Furthermore, you're sending me insane, you're making me lose my actual mind.

With best wishes for the future,

etc, etc.

Good:

I have Thorntons.
I had curry.
I am about to go meet friends for liquid chocolate broth.

Bad:
I couldn't find one of my Tuesday socks, or two random socks that match, and therefore had to wear two plain black socks, which make my feet look like grieving widows, and is probably what put me in a bad mood all day.
I spent far too much time on doing work today. Work for other people.
Back owy.

Middling:
I have an interview for the job I applied for. I'm not surprised by this, but it is nice nonetheless. I was given the choice of being interviewed first, last, or in the middle. I went for last. I do not think I will get it.
My hair is clean t last, but messy.

Ugly:
I'm off the codeine, and the builders are shoveling the concrete. Hurrah!

I've been in such a bad mood today. Work was unbearably boring and made me want to scream.

People keep trying to get me enthused about a new project we're doing. At first it was quite interesting but now I'm just starting to think it is a complete waste of time. I get fed up because we all talk and talk about things we can do, but of course we actually achieve very little, and while others get ecstatic about really stupid things, I'm banging my head on the desk.

Normally being about half the age of everyone else in the office isn't a problem, but when I'm saying things like "Look, if you want to get the attention of every single bloody student, start a Facebook group, they check that more than their email" and they say "What? How? Pardon? Wibble", clearly I'm going to get frustrated. And when I get frustrated, I get grumpy and surly like a teenager, and I don't do anything as a matter of principle.

I don't think I'll get the job I applied for. My line manager has been dropping hints all day (she's helping to shortlist). I try to change the subject when it is mentioned. I'm not getting my hopes up, quite the opposite. At least that way I can't be disappointed!

"Bored", thought I.

"Bollocks to the Biscuit Ban", sayeth my brain.

"You are wise", sayeth I.

"Consume four biscuits, Soy. That is an order", sayeth my brain.

*crunch munch*

"Brain, you are stupid, you stupid, stupid brain. Now I feel sick", moaneth I.

"If I told you to put your head in the oven, would you do it?"

"Probably..."

Good morning, cherubim all. Isn't a wonderful day? The sun is shining. Snowdrops are winking at us. My parents visited yesterday and took me shopping (and paid), subsequently I have new shoes on. I have minimal work to do. I'm resisting biscuits quite easily. What could slurry such a wonderful day?

Hmm.

There must be something.

Well, I suppose there's the fact that my leg just went a bit numb after my back cracked. There was the white, blinding pain too, of course. Never mind, I'm sure that just means it's healing, like a scab itches.

I'm really tired, too, of course, after a nearby house alarm decided to go off at about 3am and serandade us for 90 delightful minutes. Just performing its designated function though, I suppose. Can't complain about that.

I'm sure I'm imagining the funny looks from a couple of people and the whispering. I didn't hear the words "applied for" and "job" and "probably presumes she'll get it".

*hums merrily*

Pro: I got to spend two days in bed.
Con: I would happily be numb from the waste down right now.

Pro: I haven't had ANY biscuits.
Con: I have just eaten a Crunchie and a Double Decker. The Creme Egg can wait.

Pro: My gerbils are cute as buttons.
Con: They have kept me awake more this week than ever before, chewing the plastic air vent on their tank (once they chew it off, you see, they are FREE) and the incessant humping and accompanying squeaking, which is nauseating to watch. Bloody teenage lesbians.

Pro: I applied for a job.
Con: So did 35 other people.

Pro: Friday.
Con: No guinea pig to call my own.

That is all.

Doesn't seem like it when you've spent two days in bed.

In the interests of spareing everybody from boredom, I'm going to shrink my answers, making it easier to ignore them:

1. What was the last thing you cooked?
Ready meal.

See? Pitiful.

I decided to find you the stupidest birthday picture on the interweb. I rejected many cartoons and pictures of pissed people in favour of this:

Please try to replicate this picture for me.

Have a good one medear,

xxx

Since I got home from work on Tuesday, I have only spent a grand total of about 3 hours off my bed. There is a distinct possibility of bed sores entering the equation. I am writing this with a quilt and 4 pillows bundled up underneath me, and I have to sit on a leg, because I still cannot directly sit on my arse. I am behaving like a hemorrhoid sufferer after...well, I won't say it, because I'm a lady. A trip up the crow's nest, perhaps.

The crunching in the base of my spine seems to have stopped - however, it has been replaced with more of a snap and click sensation. I'm choosing to look upon this development as a positive progression towards a full recovery.

I also think it is important I share everything with you all. Well, it hurts to fart. More than that, I've had an awful lot of codeine over the past two days, and it would appear that codeine makes me constipated. There is an awful lot of extra pressure on my back. I'm not going to go into any further detail other than "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Now I did say I was on hiatus, but Rampage tagged me, and I'm not at work (again), so it's only polite any excuse:

I. You have to look up page 123 in the nearest book to you.
II. Look for the fifth sentence.
III. Then post the three sentences that follow the fifth sentence
IV. Tag five people to do the same.

Ok I had two books next to each other nearest to me:

1

And because this day was so vibrant with living it was difficult for Stephen to tolerate the idea of death, even for a little red fox, and she caught herself thinking: 'If we find, this morning, there'll be two of us who are utterly alone, with every man's hand against us.'

At the Meet she was prey to her self-concious shyness, so that she fancied people were whispering. There was no one now with bowed, patient shoulders to stand between her and those unfriendly people.

2

And oh my word, it isn't what it sounds like!

When the woman in question writes erotica, sometimes the acts between the sheets have to make their way onto the computer screen. And so I was putting into words all that we had done in the last few hours. The tiny clicks of the keyboard slowly pulled me into the story as my memory ran wild.

Any questions?

I tag...
Chyna, lisam25, Miza, Molty, and Phoenix82. Sorry if you've already been tagged.

Thank you for comments on my 100 and Joyous News, I really want to reply to them all, but unfortunately my fingers are otherwise occupied with constant kneading of my lower back or holding onto a hot water bottle. I've been reading everyone else's blogs too and would comment but for the same reasons. The 100 thing is addictive isn't it? Maybe we should set a limit at three each (resisiting urge to do another!).

My back is getting me down. I can stand, I can walk (slowly), and I can lay on my side, but can I sit down? Can I bugger. Blinding pain that makes me yelp. Unhappy, much.

Anyway, I will be back at work tomorrow but I think I will be busy with quite a bit, I need to be anyway, a lot to catch up on having missed two days so far this week. Trying to get my priorities right, for once. Me thinks I shall be typing whilst stood up quite often, too, unless someone can provide me with a rubber ring a la piles sufferer.

Nobody post ANYTHING exciting for at least 24 hours or I'll instigate a 500 things.

x

I called NHS direct this morning about my back, following my fall yesterday (see number 1 in previous post!).

Diagnosis:

Crunching = either a) a build up of fluid, which the nurse "would normally expect to have dispersed by now, 24 hours after it happened", which leaves the more likely diagnosis of b) I have fractured my lower back.

Only I could break my back on the only day of snow we've had. I knew I shouldn't have worn those boots.

Prescription:

Stay in bed all day, taking codeine. If it is still crunching later, go for an X ray, which I probably should've done yesterday.

So my excessive plan for the day is:

1) Shower, gingerly.
2) Feed the fish.
3) Lay in bed watching the entire Blue Planet box set.
4) Snack.
5) Sleep.

That is pretty much it. But I'm allowed, because I've broken my sodding back. Maybe.

*cough*hugs please*cough cough* OW coughing hurts =(

Yes, another one of these! I have been mentally writing this since I read Landers' first one a few days ago. I haven't come up with many interesting things. Expect fillers. I have read everyone else's, though, so muchos inspiration there.

1) This morning I slipped in the snow and landed on the small of my back. I cried a lot. Something is crunching in it. It hurts. I'm worried.
2) I had a stint as an Avon Lady a few years ago. It's really boring with minimal reward, much like the rest of my life.
3) Super Hans is my seventh hamster but not my favourite.
4) I just told him that, and now I feel guilty.
5) If I was thin, I think I would be a total slut, and enjoy it.
6) For various reasons, I genuinely think I am unable to have kids. This thought upsets me, but it would also be a relief.
7) My DVDs are alphebetised. I was going to do them alphabetised and by genre, but they are almost all Comedy or Gore, so a bit pointless.
8) I clearly remember flinging myself onto my bed, pounding my fists, and telling my mother that I hated her and wanted her to die. I was 5, possibly 6. I can't remember why. It has always stuck with me.
9) At a similar age, I cut most of my hair off and hid it in my toy oven, thinking that if it was hidden, mum would never notice.
10) I am a faster reader than anyone I know, and always have been.
11) I can't do even basic maths without a calculator.
12) I got a new phone today. It's purple.
13) I own more socks than any other type of clothing. Nearly all of them have a garish pattern.
14) It pains me to admit it, but my gerbils are completely devoid of any purpose other than to look cute and keep me awake.
15) I don't like tea or coffee.
16) In September I'm going to do an English MA in Nineteenth Century Studies, because this is what will make me happy.
17) Re the above, my particular interests are Gothic literature, and women and other cultures when represented as 'Other', and how they all weave together, in terms of sexuality, colonialism, etc. So there.
18) I love fish. They are like an ongoing chemistry experiment to me. On the subject on fish, the baby goldfish are growing an awful lot. I still have no idea what to do with them.
19) My sister is pretty much gay, with deviances. It annoys me, because she used to be quite homophobic in her teens. She seems to have forgotten that now.
20) On my 20th birthday I ate about 10 naughty cookies, drank two bottles of champagne (and the rest), and fell asleep on a speaker in a gay bar. I woke up in a red car, and shouted about my coat. Then I woke up again and was back at Halls being put to bed by my poof, who also had to take out my contact lenses. About 6 hours later my dad arrived to take me home for the summer. I had not packed.
21) I hate packing. I hate it so much. I hate it as much as I hate unpacking. I hate that.
22) Muse are my favourite band, although I forget this sometimes. I get excited when I remember.
23) My mind seems to think that I need 8 hours sleep to function. If I am going to get less, it is at the back of my mind, and stops me sleeping.
24) It is currently 00:09, and at the back of my mind, I know I am not going to get 8 hours sleep. If I weren't already in the grip of a period of insomnia, this would keep me awake.
25) I have never owned a dog or cat.
26) I don't know why I bought a 30GB mp3/4 player. I will never fill it. I can't even remember the last time I used it.
27) I have never had a 'relationship' with a man that lasted more than 6 weeks or so, probably because most of my time has been spent forming all consuming and ultimately devastating relationships with girls.
28) That said, these days I am more attracted to men, but still find it hard to imagine a relationship with one ever working out.
29) I am the most overly sensitive person you could meet. I take everything to heart, joke or otherwise.
30) The only part I like about myself is my eyes.
31) I don't know anything about art, at all. This troubles me sometimes.
32) I can't play any instruments, or sing, or read music. I lack accomplishmentslike these...
33) ...however I'm damn useful with a sewing maching and needle and thread. I used to love cross stitching. I have a bag of knitting on the go somewhere. Just rows and rows of different colours. It is relaxing.
34) I have a GCSE in Child Developement. An A, actually.
35) I spent a term at Huddersfield uni doing Psychology. I only chose it because you could do a third year module in the paranormal, and because the Halls had en-suites. You could see the TV from the toilet.
36) I once spent a night in said Hudds Halls drinking peach Archers on my own in my room, whereupon I decided it would be an excellent idea to microwave some wax and de-bikinifuzz myself, whilst watching So Graham Norton (from the bathroom). I didn't feel a thing, funnily enough.
37) I have not listened to At My Most Beautiful - REM since we broke up, S, and I never will be able to again.
38) I used to have 2 mobiles on the go at once. Worked out cheaper to have two contracts, what with S living in Glasgow. One of them was 3000 messages for £20 a month, which I later found it was referred to as "the deaf tariff" in the call centre, as it was deemed impossible for anyone but those unable to hear a phone call to send that many texts a month. Oh, how we proved them wrong.
39) On the whole, sex bores me. No one is quite as good as me.
40) I don't really like any of the scarves I own.
41) I am pure terrified of injections and blood tests. I kicked a doctor in the face when I was 4.
42) It's getting better, but I have always had a terrible relationship with food. I hid it in my room from a young age. Binging, etc. I don't eat anything remotely fruity or veg like.
43) I am quite selfish when I want to be, about stupid things. I don't really like sharing.
44) I prefer my own space and my own company.
45) I can't abide lateness without explanation or apology, and I am usually very early for everything.
46) For 41 - 45 and all my other irritating behaviour patterns, I unfortunately lay the blame firmly on my parents, particularly mother.
47) I love my parents more now than I ever have, because I no longer live at home...
48) ...but they have hurt and upset me more than other people could ever do, and they will likely never acknowledge this.
49) I didn't do a single PE lesson in years 10 and 11. I probably learnt more copying out of the textbooks as punishment every practical lesson than anybody did in that 40 minutes of 'physical education'.
50) I used to be a damn good horserider. I stopped going when I was 17 when I saw my instructor kicking one of my favourite ponies. I don't think anybody had any idea he did that kind of thing, and I still feel guilty for not telling anyone.

*breather*

51) I wonder what will become of me.
52) Rejection, by anyone, for anything, and for any reason, makes me feel humiliated and small.
53) I have a phenomenal memory for song lyrics.
54) One of my many pet peeves is people getting song lyrics wrong for no damn good reason.
55) I have a thing about empty plastic water bottles, especially fruit flavoured ones, and ones with a sports cap. When they are empty and wobbling on a table I want to scream really loud until it stops, then I throw it really far away.
56) I hate mayonnaise.
57) I never add pepper to anything, I really don't like that either.
58) Wn i c ppl ritin lk dis on ma sisters facebk wall it mks me wanna spit lol hahaha. I like to correct these and repost them for their attention, even if I have no idea who they are.
59) Given the choice between a ticket to see RDW in Canada or ticket to see my uncle and his family in NZ, I know which I would choose.
60) Death terrifies me. I am in total denial about it happening to me and get upset when people point out I will die one day. I am freaked out by just writing that.
61) I wish I was a person who could say "life is too short to have regrets" and brush them aside.
62) I love cheeseburgers with bacon and BBQ sauce *drool*
63) My room is a perpetual shit tip.
64) My current job has left me terrified of debt.
65) I'm going to see KT Tunstall on May 4th. She's hot.
66) My earliest memory is eating a creme caramel in Ibiza at a white painted metal table, aged 3.
67) I can't believe you're still reading this.
68) I think either my mum or dad has had a mini forgiveable affair at some point.
69)s are awkward, makes far more sense to just take turns.
70) After Torvill and Dean's performance to 'Let's Face The Music and Dance', I attempted to replicate much of the routine in my own time, wearing rollerskates.
71) Mum once actually put a bar of soap in my mouth for 'swearing'
72) In year 10 my maths teacher, Pervy Pollock, made me stand up, and asked me very loudly if that was really a green bra I was wearing.
73) My laptop is making a funny noise.
74) I don't think I will ever be able to afford to buy a house but really want to just so that I can let it to students.
75) I can't put into words how much I loathe Claire Sweeney and Fearne Cotton.
76) Or Loose Women.
77) I struggle to believe that there is God/gods, because there is no proof, much like I struggle to believe in aliens or ghosts. I still find it interesting to hear both sides of the argument, but I know where I stand.
78) I am incredibly stubborn.
79) I am always right.
80) I always have the last word, whether you hear it or not.
81) I find it hard to trust people and find it hard to forgive people very easily if they break that trust.
82) I prefer older men.
83) I rarely change my bedding.
84) Year I was born.
85) The warmest fuzziest feeling someone has ever given me is the first time S kissed the palm of my hand, it still makes me tingle almost 4 years later.
86) I haven't filled in my Bloscars form yet. It's too hard to decide.
87) I love going fishing with dad, but when I do, I can't help but be aware that I think he really wanted a son.
88) I have a type of ezcema on my right foot, just on the top near my toes and along the side, never anywhere else.
89) I can't speak in front of people, like a presentation or group work, without going hot and dizzy and worrying that I have something on my face.
90) I think I'd make a really good step-mum. Does that sound odd?
91) I am covered with moles literally from head to toe, another thing to thank mother for.
92) I sometimes wish I could drive, but even if I could, I wouldn't want to have a car unless I really needed one, like I had kids or lived in the middle of nowhere.
93) I don't understand politics and have no idea what my political persusasion is.
94) Shit, it's 1.40m
95) I'm currently trying to figure out how to hatch brine shrimp.
96) When I was 14 I went out in town with my best friend on Halloween, got ridiculously drunk, and wet myself waiting for a taxi, but didn't realise. When I got home, mum made me take my trousers off in the hallway in front of my friend. I didn't care. I was more concerned that I had also ripped the knee of them while giving someone a blow job and that I had lost the heel of my shoe after it got caught in the railway tracks while we were running away from a security guard and the lights were flashing because a train was approaching meaning I had to wrench my shoe out the gap. I loved those shoes.
97) I hate The Lion King.
98) Cheese makes my nose itch.
99) I question Macs.
100) I love you all.

...I do wish the news would stop merely say the Rock...

...because when I'm not looking directly at the TV, what I hear takes on a whole new meaning.

Today, I went here. Eden Camp, for the lazy non-clickers (but I shall provide no further details, ha). I went with B and her friend from uni, who was visiting her. This visit was planned at midnight last night. I suspect drink may have been involved in this sudden idea, but we went nonetheless.

I last went here in 1994 whilst on week long trip to Scarborough with school. Mini 9 year old Soy remembers enjoying this trip away from home very much - other highlights included building a crab out of shells, touching my first penis (small), and pissing myself on Scarborough beach. It is safe to say Eden Camp, at least, has not changed whatsoever since then, except to acquire a further 14 years worth of dust. Still bloody excellent though, good to take a grandad to mayhaps.

I took two photos:

This sums up the attention to detail and general niceness of the place. Tell me where you have ever seen a plaque like this before!

So many ship-pictures, but only one name stood out.

I had a happy day. Spending any time with B tends to do that to me. Miss her, as you know.

Over lunch - discussing her decorating her room -
"Are you getting a new bed or having the one out the back room, from your old flat?"
"Probably a new one, that one is quite old now..."
"Ahem, yes, it is..."
(I disappear to toilet (and discover the plaque!))
*beep* 'Why don't you like that bed? It was a good 48hrs!'
Ahem. 'Indeed it was. I don't hate that bed. Shut up now!'
I return to table as she is reading it. We smile. I get a little ache.

After getting back to my flat and they both leave, I get that horrid empty feeling I always get when we've spent the day together and she goes home. Snapped out of it now, but still...sucks.

Not to worry. Glug glug glug.

What five things are you grateful for today and why?

1. I am grateful that it is Friday. Really, very very grateful.

2. I am grateful for it being half term, as my housemate has been able to give me a lift and/or pick me up from work most days this week. My back and sanity are especially grateful to her for this.

3. Today, I am going to go to the fishychippy on the way home, because it is Friday, and therefore a legitimate indulgance. I am grateful for chipshop curry.

4. I am grateful for Super Hans, for he will keep me company while I am alone over the weekend

5. I am grateful for everyone on here who says such sensible lovely things when I clearly need it on yukky days like yesterday.

Maybe it's the day.

Maybe it's memories of spending today in Edinburgh.

Maybe it's thoughts of going out for a meal knowing that friends and family could well see us and just instantly know.

Maybe it is the being alone.

Or maybe, just maybe, it is because we have just had a long and stupid meeting.

And maybe, because of this meeting, I had a biscuit.

I has Biscuit Guilt. I was doing so well!

*sad*.

...just coz, y'know, I'm far too busy to have time for the deluge of Valentine's cards that will arrive in about 9 hours. Gosh, I hope there are less than last year, I was still opening them into March!

Oh, the mirth.