Ho hum.

....but I do, so deal with it.

Can anyone read this?

Stupidss!

My sister text me yesterday telling me not to freak out, but on Saturday night in a club some guy stuck a needle in her arm.

It was obviously at this point that I started to freak out. She keeps saying she's not worried, but she wouldn't have told me otherwise.

Anyway, were she not in Leeds I'd be frogmarching her to the docs for a tetanus injection at the very least.

Her basis for not doing anything about this is that she showed the club bouncer who said "It's ok - it's not bleeding". The fact that she was pricked by a needle and has a scratch and little hole obviously not enough of a worry for him. Must see this kind of thing all the time, blah blah.

She said she set her alarm for every hour during the night and her girlfriend kept checking she was ok. The fact that she did not die in the night, plus the word of a bouncer, means that as far as she's concerned, she's ok.

I am NOT happy. She's told me not to tell the parentals. I don't know what to do.

I had a big black and white cat called Bort.

I quit my job in the style of a heroine in an American drama series - I flung papers in the air and stalked out the door. I swear there was music playing, probably something from Ally McBeal. It felt good.

I lived in a box. I had a house, everything was normal - I just had a big cardboard box too. I liked to read in it.

I was hit by lightning and could suddenly organise my thoughts effortlessly and instinctively know the truth about things. Wow.

Phenomenal sex with someone who shall remain nameless.

I dreamt that Wanted was a really shit film, despite Jolie looking the hottest she has ever looked, smouldering like never before. James McEvoy was also rather yummy. The plot was ridiculous and Morgan Freeman was only there to give the film some semblance of credibility, despite the terrible dialogue he was given. At one point there were even exploding rats, woven messages, and an I Am Your Father moment. Oh no, wait - this really happened. I did go and see Wanted. Good points - Jolie's FACE, her in fast cars, her firing guns, her kissing James, the concept of curving bullets and the faces they both pull while doing it. Bad points - the rest of it.

I love being asked questions. I'm terrible of thinking up things to ask other people though.

You may ask me three questions and I shall try to answer them. Things that you would like to know about me or my life, my past my future, what makes me tick, what makes me sick. From the mundane to the serious - fire away and I will endeavour to answer for you... but I make no promises!

Or maybe nobody will CARE. Hmph.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Can't drive, don't have a car. However, it would probably be: half empty botles of water, a map of Britain that I've never opened, sweet wrappers, sawdust.

2. When was the last time you threw up?
A few mornings ago. Less said on that the better.

3. Whats your favorite curse word?
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. FUUUUUCK!

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Rampage
Row
Er...me.

5. What were you doing at 8am this morning?
Sleeping, after waking up at 7am with an ungodly stomach ache and rolling around for an hour.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Straightening my hair and regretting ever starting it.

7. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope. I don't think I'd understand what to do.

8. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"Sick in the head, but first in the bed..."

9. When is your birthday?
May 10th.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Strawberry is a good all rounder, but rum and raisin if I'm feeling exotic.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Apple and blackcurrant smoothie.

12. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, black vest top, grey hoodie, bra. In writing this I have remembered I don't have any knickers on.

13. What is the last thing you ate?
Chocolate mousse. It contained real chocolate.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Goodness no, payday is next Monday.

15. When was the last time you ran?

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Spain v Russia on Thursday evening

17. What's the last sport you played?

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
Myspace is the antichrist.

19. Ever go camping?
Only festivals. I don't see how downgrading your standards of living is a holiday.

20.Do you have a tan?
Yes, it's over there is in a bottle.

21.Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
Pride, salt levels, fags.

22.What is your guilty pleasure?
I have so many they have ceased to hold any pleasure or guilt. Probably sleeping until 12pm and doing nothing with my day. And crisps. Lots of crisps.

23.Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
I try to limit it. I enjoy

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
Only when wankered and I'm slopping.

25. Last time you travelled by bus?
Weeks and weeks ago.

26. What do you never leave the house without?
Wallet, keys, mobile phone, lippy, ladythings, mp3 player lately, mascara needs to be on else I WILL go back to put it on, brain is an optional extra.

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Waking up and going "Ohhh, fuck not again", walking home, going to see Wanted at 3pm, cleaning out the minnows and Lucy.

28. Where is your mom right now?
Sat on the sofa worrying.

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
A large pile of black clothes that need washing and have been there for weeks, a chair, dressing table, clothes horse, minnows tank, wardrobe, bookshelf, DVD shelf, family guy boxset, two garish boxes containing nothing at all, a gaudy pink ribbon.

30. What color is your watch?
Black leather.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Joe Mangle.

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yep, they make me very nauseous. I prefer the waltzers.

33. What is your birthstone?
Emerald.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?
I will go through a drive through if someone else is driving, else that would make me look a bit odd.

35. What is your favorite number?
What?

36. Do you have a dog?
No, but I am umming and ahhing about a cat...

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Er. My sister I think.

38. Have you met anyone famous?
NO!

39. Any plans today?
Yep, removing the scarlet nail polish I decided to apply to every nail at 1am last night. It's called Shade 10, but I prefer Whore Red. And tonight I am going to someone's house to drink lots of wine. Thank goodness it is Sunday tomorrow and I don't have to go to work drunk.

40. How many provinces have you lived in?
Yawn.

41. Ever go to college?
Yep. I still work at the same place. And I'm going back to study in September. Why? WHY?

42. Where are you right now?
In my room, on my bed. For a change.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Waiting. WAITING WAITING WAITING. Oh, you would not believe how much I am waiting for.

44. Last song listened to?
Ol' Black and Blue Eyes - Fratellis.

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Nickel. Nobody ever buy me cheap jewellery. I want White Gold or NOTHING!

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Er...flat ones?

48. Taste in your mouth right now?
Lunch's ham.

49. Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes, c'est normal for me.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
No. They are not.

51. Do you love anyone?
*chants* NO NO NO NO NO...

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes, a few.

53. Do you eat healthy?
Healthy is not a food stuff. Nor do I eat healthily.

54. What do you usually do during the day?
Daydream, moan, type, order, eat, sleep.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
No.

58. Do you own any big sunglasses?
Nope. I look stoopid.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Don't know what that is, so unlikely.

60. How did you get one of your scars?
Slicing a frozen bread roll, I sliced my finger instead. Blood sprayed. Layers of skin were visible. Hysterics were had. Normally I don't scar, which is lucky.

Swim In Peace. You were, after all, quite the, er, 'ham'.

Someone at work left today who I really like. He's so fun. I'll miss him.

Everyone keeps leaving and I feel like I have nowhere to go.

I am eating a chocolate mousse. I look at the label.

Well Known Supermarket's Chocolate Mousse.

Made with real chocolate.

...yeah?

I should bloody hope that it is made with real chocolate. Else...it's just brown mousse.

And I don't really want to eat Brown Mousse, thanks.

This is a Public Service Announcement brought to you on behalf of the Need To Get Out More party.

It's that wonderful time of year again. Doesn't matter where you go on campus, you will bump into a gaggle of school students being shown the sights, sounds and smells of Higher Education in all it's easily-achievable glory, usually by a loping student wearing a very vivid t-shirt that they invariably hate. "This is the Students' Union...Er...we get pissed in here, and...er...yeah. This is the library. We go in here for books sometimes. That place sells cake. Er...yeah... Any questions? No, you can't buy any cake". And so on. And that is accurate, because I've done it myself in the past.

The little kids are quite cute, in blazers that reach their knees, huddled in groups gazing in wide-eyed wonder at things they've never seen before, like briefcases, and drama students.

The older ones are vile. Resplendent in non-school uniform (which has been replaced with another, that of the Emo or Chav), they strut about, swinging their bags, sneaking off for a fag, or, they skulk at the back looking miserable, planning how to destroy their family unit that week. Either way, vile, and swearing.

The cubicles in the girls' toilets on the ground floor of the SU have taken on a certain blue fuzzy hue. It's biro, and it's everywhere.

I HAD YOUR MUM! SHE SUCKS! AND I HAD YOUR DAD TOO!

MY BOYF DOESN'T KNOW I WANT HIS SISTER!

come on girls - don't call each other slags and c*nts, it just encourages the boys to do it too!!!!

BUT YOU ARE A SLAG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

my womb hurts :-(

mine too :'-( SAD!

mine is da bomb!

mines got summat in it haha

it smells in here, shiiiiitty haha

wright ur name if ur comin here one day

nah

no way

yes did ya see da pub?!

And so on, and so forth. If only i could replicate some of the pictures. Actually, I'd get flagged.

Makes having a wee a bit more entertaining anyway.

...Nick's gonna be soooo annoyed!

Hope you're ok, Jacobite.

Come back soon leaving all those demons behind you xxx

It's been 10 months since the last thing...

...want. Exactly like that.

...is awesome. Srsly, it's rly good! Go see!

Of course, I now have an even bigger crush on Liv (*Elf-Nom*), and Ed (oh, Edward, you lovely thing!). Tonight I'm going to have to watch Fight Club *Edward-Nom*.

I am trying to fight off the crush on the Hulk himself, but ooh, he's just so strong and misunderstood.

An excellent game to play at the end of the film: Spot the Geek. When a certain character from another recent film walks on the screen, Geeks will squeal a bit and say "I KNEW IT!" and dig each other in the ribs, because they spotted the clues all the way through. Maybe that's just me and V. (I say again - I really don't want her to move back home.)

The flip side to my love of going to the flicks is that it really is not conducive to comfort, re the healing of a broken arse. Wince. Wince I say.

It's 7.40pm on a Sunday evening. Normal people are sat doing nothing, except perhaps watching a Tony Robinson documentary, and eating leftovers. Perhaps ironing a few shirts in a lethargic manner at the most.

It certainly is not the time to decide to wipe 30GB of music off your mp3 player, and take it upon yourself to go through your entire laptop music collection, making sure every capital letter is in place, every album correctly named, every dash has one space either side, and listening to every damn track, before putting it all back on the mp3 player.

Damn you, brain! This is not the good idea you thought it was!

Why not. It's Friday, and the boss has gone home. Yoinked from Landers.

Type in what the questions ask you into Google search and try to use the first thing that comes up as your answer.

1. Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
25 cents and 2 fingers is all Laura needs.

2. Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
Laura looks like a primary school teacher.

3. Type in "[your name] likes" in Google search:
Laura likes to be admired and she has a tendency to force admiration by fishing for compliments.

4. Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:
Dr. Laura Says: Stop the Whining!

5. Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
Laura wants to drape her leg over the shoulder of the boy in front of her, to show off her bruises, but Nick warns against it. [BOL!]

6. Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
Laura does Celine Dion.

7. Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
Laura hates people with big egos and when people touch her face.

8. Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search:
Laura goes to Dennis for advice.

9. Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:
Laura Loves Katrina - free pictures and movies of our russian lesbians.

10. Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:
Laura has a room for rent.

11. Type in "[your name] gets" in the Google search:
When Laura gets extremely stressed, she decides to work later than she has to and therefore arrives late to Tae Kwon Do.

12. Type in "[your name] eats" in the Google search:
When Laura eats their fruits there is a marked repetition of the word "sucked." Laura has to pay for the goblins' fruits with part of her body. [I love the poem this refers to.]

13. Type in "[your name] can" in the Google search:
Laura can stir things up even more.

14. Type in "[your name] drinks" in the Google search:
Laura drinks vodka.

15. Type in "[your name] makes" in the Google search:
Laura makes me want to vomit.

I am considering having a bit of a Friends chop. It's not personal. I have a lot of blogs that I have Favourited and visit for a catch up, without being friends, so they'd probably just be added to that list.

Then again, I might just leave it for now.

Thus rendering this post entirely pointless and making myself rather deletable in the process.

*wields a cleaver, tiredly*

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! Arrrrrgh! It's so annoying! YOU are so annoying! STOP IT!"

Ahem.

That's better.

Mmm, cryptic blogging.

Had an appointment with occupational health this morning after my attendance was highlighted by HR.

Of course, nobody (i.e, HR) had told them the two and a bit weeks off I had in February/March was because of a fractured arse

Thus, that left me with seven days off in a whole year, which she didn't see as a big deal.

We had a long talk about working practices and so on. She quickly noticed that I'm incredibly stressed out. Apparently I need to become more assertive, both at saying yes and no. Easier said than done, really, given how bloody tense it is here already.

She also downright insisted I listen to the radio or mp3 player, so even anyone complains that I am being 'unapproachable', well, I'll just wave the memo in their face and shout "PARDON?!" a few times. Heh.

But hurrah! It's nearly Friday!

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if there was a box set up (or a bit of software - whatever) where people could write an opinion of you, anonymously, and you could read it later.

A bit like a complaints and suggestion box.

I wonder what people would write about me - in an honest way, both positive and negative - if there wasn't any way of me finding out who said it.

I'm not asking for these comments, because I'd know who it was of course.

I do wonder though.

I don't feel like I have much interesting to say at the moment. A few other people on here that have been absent for a while have come back full of exciting tales of busy lives and so on and so forth, which is brilliant - but I find myself plodding along much the same.

I'm having massive difficulty sleeping at the moment, for a various reasons. Money being one of them. It's such a bastard at the moment. Then again, when isn't it? Oh, to be wealthy. Actually, just a small amount of surplus income at the end of the month would be a start. £20 would do. I have an MA to pay for. Gulp.

(Anyone pointing out the every-6-weekly £95 haircuts will be exterminated. Srsly!)

When I get home from work I fall asleep until about 7pm and subsequently struggle to get to sleep until about 2am. Bad habits forming.

Work is a bloody nightmare. We've just moved offices and there is a constant drone of moaning and complaining from certain areas, about everything. Like water coolers. Or the colours of the chairs. It would seem that standing in front of my desk is the optitmum moaning position for most people. Thanks folks. You're helping.

My head is constantly buzzing with crap. Some good, some bad, some downright ugly. Sometimes I get out my bag of razors and look at them, and think about squeezing one. Or running it lightly over my thigh. I won't though. I haven't for a long time. They're just thoughts.

But hey - been here before enough times to know it'll pass. And the sun just came out. And it's lunch time.

And that really is all there is to it at the moment.

I have plenty to say at the moment, but nothing of great importance.

I am debating finding a tree to talk to in lieu of human understanding, but that's another matter.

*yawn* *stretch* *browse*

...but it isn't.

In order to solve Dyson's randiness/aggression/boredom, I have purchased another loach.

This is Sheldon:

Sheldon suits him, ok? He's so little and cute!

Dyson doesn't like him. He flares his fins and chases him away. It's funny.

I'm easily entertained.

New pet joy. I has it

It is 12:33pm, and I can ecstatically announce I am still in bed. Happy days. Except I am bloody hungry so I SUPPOSE I should get up eventually. Hmph.

Today I am going to only do things that please me. This largely means I won't do anything if it is not off the following list:

Go to a pet shop and buy lots of SUPPLIES, and another Dyson fish. (He's been behaving very strangely and apparently it's because he's horny. Given that it's impossible to tell males and females apart, I could very well end up with more gay pet action. Awesome!)

Eat chocolate mousse.

Lay on my bed listening to my Chilled CD, aka my new best friend. Hence title.

I think that list is suitably exhaustive.

*stretch* Might get dressed now. Maybe.

Have a good day, folks!

A quick chat and catch up with a friend turned into a three hour heart to heart. Mainly me talking. She's such a good listener. I talk about all sorts with her and she always has the right thing to say. She's moving back home in 6 weeks and I'm going to miss her so much. We have a lot in common and I've only known her a couple of years but she's such a good friend. Sigh. She even lent me her brolly and walked home in the rain, knowing how much my hair cost yesterday! Bless her. I'll buy her gerbil a new tube in the planned pet-shop trip tomorrow. I might be getting another fish. There will be a name poll.

I've been a bit wibbly since I got home, although I'm not sure what about exactly. Maybe it's just weekend relief. I walked home via the shop and have a lot of lucious organic chocolate and a bottle of red. Both are half gone. Nom.

I'm shattered. This week has been mad. I am so excited about my lie-in tomorrow! Mmmm - late night listening to music, lots of sleep, and lie-in.

Lovely fat-free self-indulgence.

I has it.

I don't care about furniture!

I don't care about your lighting issues!

I don't care I don't care I don't care!

Leave me be!

Headache. Has one.

Roll on 5pm hair appointment.

I am watching The Football. Swi are playing Tur.

I am watching it for the simple reason that it is pissing it down, there are puddles everywhere, and hopefully - hopefully - there will be some spectacular falls involving mud and faces. FAIL.

Oh good. Swi just scored. Well done them!

(Snore.)

Morning.

I am at work. I arrived here at 7.48am. I usually get up about 7.59am. I usually get here about 9.07am. I think this therefore makes up for all the times I have been seven minutes late, give or take thirty seconds.

Needless to say...there is no one else here. Save the cleaner, who it is nice to meet at last, especially on the last day. I felt like thanking her for picking my dry chewing gum out the bin once, but didn't want to make her feel awkward.

Today is the day of the Office Move, and we haven't finished packing, or labelling, or fighting over packing boxes and the best roll of tape that doesn't split all the time.

The new office looks fantastic. Very light and spacious. Practically, it will be a nightmare for us all to work in (in a three hour meeting on Monday morning about new office etiquette, approximately two hours was devoted to defining smelly and crunchy food, and whether it was professional to devour a sandwich in three bites at your desk because you're too damn busy to take a break), but from a (prospective) student's point of view it will look fantastic. So, that's ok then. There is the slight issue of me still not having a desk (they've only had a year to put one in, be fair), but that's fine, I'll sit on the floor.

Apaprently the movers will be here at 8.30am. I will be interested to see if there will be anyone but me here to greet them.

(Last blog at this desk! Yay! I hate this building!)

BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED PACKING SUCKS AND JELLY BABIES ROCK.

I can't promise the next few days will be cheerful. But if I don't write it, I'm scared something will start leaking out of my ears whilst I try to sleep- a whining, self-pitying, self-loathing, over-dramatic dribble all over my pillow. Nice.

I shall also quote him: Oh bugger, all this tagging people is such an effort - but it is friday and the traditional day to waste time doing a meme and infecting other people with it. Quite.

So,

The Rules:
Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1. What I was doing 10 years ago:
To the minute? Being 14, it is likely I was sobbing my way through a PE lesson (unless I had remembered to get either Josh or Gemma to forge a letter for me), blinking cluelessly in a maths lesson, or relishing my superior status in an English lesson. I'm 90% confident I was being teased and ridiculed. Quite possibly I was planning what to binge on on the way home from school. Ahh, the trials of yoof. Nothing's really changed though.

2. What 5 things are on on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

Look like I am working (yoink, thanks Nick).

Get some hayfever tabs (yoink, thanks Nick).

Buy some chicken breasts.

Buy my mum the Indiana Jones trilogy for her birthday.

Do some office packing. HA!

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Kettle Chips, Jaffa Cakes, ham sandwiches (yes, they can be a snack), BIKKITS, fruit pastille type sweets.

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire:
Buy my mum and dad a really nice big house, and hire someone to clean it. Pay off mine and my sister's tuition fee debts and buy us houses. Buy them all a posh car. Buy me a posh car with a chauffeur. Buy flats abroad. Buy lots of DVDs and the biggest, brilliantist, enormousist home cinema system that can take up an entire room in my house complete with automated electronic DVD selection and filing system (I'm slightly aroused at the thought). By a MOTHER of a fish tank, and oh my GOD, the FILTRATION I could have *drooool*. Give money to B to stop her joining the army (I wish). Make sure everyone was happy and comfortable for the foreseeable future. Give set sums to various charities every month, and not just the obvious ones. Buy a pony.

5. Places I have lived:
Grimsby, Huddersfield, Hull...umm, I nearly lived in Paisley, and I reckon if you give it another couple of years (don't rush me!) I'll end up in Manchester. Wow. Well travelled.

Who to tag....blayka, Jenniebaby, kendersrule, Rampage, rowtheboat (if she can be bothered).

Back at work. Feeling much better though, and don't think I could've taken another day of laying on my bed in my pyjamas. What a hard couple of days it's been.

Inbox is bursting with crap that I really couldn't give a damn about. Desk is piled high with post it notes of phone numbers I will not be calling. There is just too much post to enjoy opening it.

And we have to pack up the entire office

But never mind, because BB starts tonight, and that's just super.

The nation can be divided into the following categories:

1) Those who would go on Big Brother, for any reason, be it for money, fame, self-discovery, the opportunity to shit on TV...whatever.
2) Those who like it because they identify with the many idiots that grace our screens every summer.
3) Those who have watched it, and decided it isn't the show for them, and then just don't watch it and don't go on about how rubbish it is because they realise they have many other channels to choose from.
4) Those who hate it, but still watch it, because ranting about the specific stupid things the idiots do is the only way they can keep up the momentum in going on about how much they hate it.
5) Those who like to watch it because the idiots are entertaining, recognising that's it's just TV and really not a big deal.

I fall into category 5.

I like Big Brother because I find the idiots so ridiculous that they become wonderfully, unintentionally (unless you're an editor on the show) entertaining, and I can sit there laughing and feeling smug about how brilliant I am compared to these morons. I'm not fanatical about it - it's just something to watch/cringe/raise eyebrows at for an hour or two.

Sometimes, there are actually some decent folk on there, who are just after something to do for the summer. Cheaper than 'travelling' around the Balaerics some Thai islands, for example.

I get fed up of the year in, year out bashing of this program.

More people make a godawful fuss about not liking it than those who actually watch it.

If you don't like it, it is actually quite easy to avoid. Simply pick up the remote...press a different button...ooh look! Alternative program! Most of it is on E4 now, so if check the TV guide in advance, and you should be ok.

It's not like it's on the BBC so there's no opportunity to moan about the license fee, blah blah blah.

Unless you actually buy the News of the World or Heat magazine (putting you firmly in category 1 or 2), it's relatively easy to avoid it in the press. Should your eyes be offended by a still of the program in a magazine, simply hold the corner of the page, and, in one smooth motion, move your hand from right to left. Ooh look! New page!

And please, for pity's sake, if you're going to go on about how shit it is, at least make an effort to learn some of the contestants' names to demostrate you have actually given it a fair chance.

It has moved on from the social experiment that it started out as nine years ago. It gets slagged off because it's often full of wannabies etc., but that's exactly the point. They're stupid and exploitable and know exactly what they're letting themselves in for. It's entertainment.

If you don't find it entertaining, don't watch it, and don't presume it makes you a better person for not watching it.

I don't see how it's any different to having all the TV schedules interupted for a football tournament thing that we're not even in! Again - if not interested, don't watch, and limit the moaning.

My blog is Big Brother friendly and that's that. Not for, not against, just accepting of it as A DAMN TV SHOW.

So on that note:

How lush is that bedroom!? Sooo unfair!

I'm off work again today. I woke up with a tiny little razor lodged in my throat, and something had struck me dumb during the night. Mute and in pain, and with a head that continues to be filled with glue, I shall cling to my duvet once more.

I realise I have done little but moan about my health lately so maybe I should talk about something else.

Ooh, I do have a confession. Last week, on the same day I swore I would not be seeing the Sex and the City film - I went to see it. It was ok. On the good side of ok. I laughed. There were tears. The tears were not mine though, they belonged mainly to the woman sat behind me, who, during one particularly good scene, whispered angrily "I knew it! I knew you would do that, Big! I knew he would do that..." and continued to cry quietly. A grip woman, get one.

Umm...what else...Oh. I'm developing a bit of an obsession for fishfinger sandwiches. Good in a baguette with lots of chilli ketchup. Mmm. That for tea again I think.

Fish! My minnows nearly died! I saved them, I did. Quite drunk on Saturday night, about midnight, I went to feed them their tea/breakfast and noticed something wasn't right with the water flow. Switched on their light and everything was rather brown...including the fish. I don't know what went wrong with the filter but it was oozing brown goo. I plonked them in a bucket with water from the baby goldfish tank. They must've been ill as they didn't even swim away from the net, even Dyson, who I usually have to catch with 2 nets and a glass. Next morning they still seemed a bit woozy, so I topped up their water and put a flower pot in for Dyson to suck on as he looked a bit sad and pale. Sunday night I put them in the goldfish tank and they seemed right as rain. I had to do the mighty unthinkable and scrubbed out the filter (oh, my precious bacteria!) but they are back in their tank now and look happy. I need to get them a new plastic plant as the silk ones I had in there are filthy and ruined. Even gave them the plant pot. Looks quite good when it's nice and simple actually. Can just about see Dyson sulking under his piece of slate because I put the light on. I think I might get another minnow actually, bring the shoal up to seven. Far better number.

I might go find something suitably mushy to eat now. It might have to be soup. Yawn.

I find it difficult to sleep with even the slightest sniffle, but I recall a few years ago I was suffering - truly suffering - with a particularly nasty and feverish bout of man-flu. One night I kept myself and Steph awake all night with my constant tossing, turning and muttering to myself, along with the odd yelp, due to being highly delerious and thinking I could see things. It's a very long night when you can't stop thinking about, talking about, dreaming about, seeing, and repeatedly ordering, different types of Subway sandwiches. Trust me - that was a looooong night.

Mercifully, last night's waking-dreams were about puppies. I could cope with that. I would've preferred sleep, but repeatedly patting the quilt so that an imaginary puppy could jump onto the bed was pretty cute at the time.

Lack of sleep meant I only woke up about an hour and a half ago. Since then I have achieved toast, Lemsip and Family Guy...but nothing is distracting from the fact that clearly my head is full of glue

Post 5pm has consisted of:

Arriving home from work and removing every scrap of clothing in an effort to stop my skin from burning up and being so damn sore.

Getting very cold and putting pyjamas on.

Eating a vat of spicy pasta that I couldn't really taste but was so overcooked it just slithered down anyway.

Napping on the kitchen table whilst Bill Oddie paraded tits across the screen.

Watching a documentary about Queen Victoria and Prince Albert which is rather interesting. They had an electric button by the bed that locked the door without having to get up. Why is this not a standard design feature in all bedrooms?

Groaning and sighing and rolling around my bed for vastly different reasons from Victoria and Albert.

Trying to make my ears pop and achieving nothing but grunts and snot.

Have just this second decided that it's probably best I don't get up in the morning.

Actually considering Ovaltine.

*bad at being ill*

Although I have been around on here about 18 months, I have had this blog for a year today.

My username was just an apt phrase from the song I was listening to at the time but now when people call me Soy it doesn't sound weird. Is that good or bad?

It was also entirely pointless changing from my old blog because I was followed anyway (mmm, IP addresses).

I was thinking of having another change though, but can't decide...

...last night, about a fellow blogger.

Mr Rampage and I went to the supermarket and bought lots of scallops and then rowed about how to cook them properly.

He's an argumentative devil!

Maaaaaaaarvellous, it's Monday! I feel like ringing up HR and telling them I'm here even though I am ILL. Stick that up your significant-number-of-Mondays-off arses. I've only had about four hours sleep, my throat is scratchy and sore, my head and sinuses feel like they're full of glue, and my ears are popping. Ok, it's not life threatening yet, but it could well develop into the man flu to which I am particularly prone. I don't even want any bisuits. Bleugh. ARGH! I just sneezed three times! LURGY!

Times like these I rather wish I had someone to tuck me in and bring me lemsips. But then again, they'd probably just catch it, and then I'd have to look after them myself.

I'm going to have TWO Berocca tablets. Oh yeah. That's right. I'm gonna OD on vitamins.

Oh hurrah. It's raining.

Moan over!